A Letter to My Lover

There is a reason I haven’t posted on here in a long time. It’s because I have traveled across the ocean and am currently studying abroad in the UK. Luckily for me Lorenzo also happened to be studying abroad in Italy. We plan to visit each other at some point but probably not until March or April. It’s been 3 weeks since I’ve seen him physically and I’m already feeling the effects of a long distance relationship.

We didn’t plan on going abroad with a significant other. Be both figured we’d go single, have our little flings, and have fun. Little did we know that we’d fall in love. So we decided to go for this long distance relationship thing. I’ve done it before, the longest I’ve gone without seeing someone was three weeks so we’ll see how this goes. Lorenzo is so different from the others though so I really want to try for him.

It’s so hard though. In long distance relationships, communication is key, and Lorenzo’s never been good at that. One time he talked about the ways people show affection, explaining how he did it through physical and gift giving means. I showed affection physically and verbally. When we were together this was fine, he’d wrap his arms around my waist and kiss me, play with me, touch me affectionately. When we’re abroad though, sending messages via Facebook or occasionally Skyping can only do so much. Recently I’ve been feeling pretty lonely.

According to numerous “How to survive a long distance relationship” articles this is often due to one person being busier than the other which seems appropriate. In England the schooling system is very different from the US. I have almost no homework except for two massive essays and then final exams. So most of my time I spend exploring, hanging out with friends, dancing, going out to pubs and clubs, doing reading, writing, cooking. I’m going to have to take up some new series to watch because I’m running out of things to do and it’s only week three!

Lorenzo must be pretty busy because despite the messages I send him, he never really responds much, and if he does it is one line in response to a paragraph or two of text. It’s extremely frustrating when I put so much effort into trying to communicate, telling him about my day, asking him about his, sending funny or interesting links and all he says is –

“mkay.”

I’ve grown quite averse to that word over time. I know he deeply cares about me, he’s shown that when we were together, but ever since we’ve been abroad, he makes me feel as if he couldn’t care less whether or not I’m in his life. I can’t keep doing this, not the relationship but the way he’s going about it. I’m a very open, expressive person and I crave communication to thrive. He’s been independent for so long that he’s probably not even feeling the effects of separation. He says he does when I ask him lightly about it, but it never seems too sincere.

It’s been on my mind a lot so I think I’m going to write a letter to him here, before I explode of loneliness. I don’t think I’m being too demanding in wanting him to put a little more effort into communication, do you? Of course I’m biased but I still like to think I am pretty understanding of both sides. Just because internet is a lot less stable in Italy doesn’t mean you can’t put in more effort when you can talk.

So without further ado, a letter to my long distance relationship lover.

Dear Lorenzo,

I miss you a lot. I knew this was going to be difficult but I didn’t think that the difficulties would kick in only three weeks into our separation. I’ve been writing in the leather bound journal you made me, it’s beautiful. Knowing I have something that you put so much work and effort into makes me happy. I hope you are enjoying the small journal I filled for you with notes and pictures to make you feel at home when you miss me. I remember you said that was the best present you’ve ever been given, it made me glow with happiness to hear that.

I hope Italy is treating you well, I can’t wait to go down to the motherland and visit where my family comes from, exploring every inch with you. By that point in April you will probably be almost fluent in Italian and will no doubt make me melt on the spot when I see you, you always seem to have that effect on me. I wish you would write more or convey your feelings more. I know you told me you’ve never been in love before, and are so independent and so unused to communicating with others regularly, but I really would appreciate you putting in a little more effort into the messages you infrequently send me.

In every tall dark haired man I see you and wish you were here, in every couple enclosed in embrace I envision our own brief times together. I know you love me, and you definitely know I love you, but it takes more than just relying on me knowing. Sometimes I feel like you could care less if I was in your life or not and honestly it makes me want to cry sometimes. Please know I will do anything to make this work, difficult as it is, because in my eyes you’re worth it, just as you said to me right before we parted.

It’s funny, I finished the romance novel that you bought me for Christmas. In it, the girl loves the man, but the man doesn’t think he is capable of giving her love even though he clearly loves her, so when she says ‘I love you,’ he doesn’t respond. So she leaves thinking he doesn’t love her, when in reality he would do anything for her. So after some time he realizes what an idiot he’s been and ironically goes to England to finally tell her he loves her in a proposal of marriage. Now I am not expecting a marriage proposal, we’ve only been together two months! But I do expect you to put effort into this as I am, I don’t like feeling lonely, I want to feel loved, and right now I am starting to feel more of the former.

So please come back, you’ve been so distant, literally and figuratively. I miss you and love you my handsome prince.

Lovingly Yours,
Autumn

 

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6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. mactwisp
    Jan 17, 2014 @ 14:08:11

    Whoa this is a priceless masterpiece ♡♥♡♡♥

    Reply

  2. ldr13
    Jan 17, 2014 @ 21:28:53

    I really hope that he smartens up after you clearly lay out your feelings for him. I’ve been doing long distance with an amazing boy for a year now and he puts in 100% of his effort which is wonderful. I did get mad at him a couple of times near the beginning for not keeping up enough contact and miraculously he smartened right up and has been very consistent; leaves me a sweet message every morning for when I wake and messages me throughout the day, plus we Skype everyday (even driving up to half an hour to get signal when he’s at an army base without internet just to message me). However, I have also wasted 5 years with a boy who “showed his love more physically” and what I’ve come to realize is that people like that only really love one person (themselves) and they will never put the effort in to keep up communication with you because they just can’t be bothered; or at least only when it suits them. Physical affection from guys means very little and is an easy way for them to appease us because we often think it means a great deal but if a boy is serious about you he will tell you. He will tell you often. He will tell you a million different ways. He will scream it to the world.

    It is very true that if someone is acting like they don’t care; believe them. They don’t. Rarely are there ever the ever-so-romantic crossed signals where the man who acts like he doesn’t care (lo and behold) actually does! I don’t mean to be harsh, I just don’t want someone to have to go through what I went through, especially not when there are worthwhile guys out there who would feel lucky to give you all their love and affection.

    I wish you all the best and hope this guy gets his act together, but if not, don’t settle; there will be someone better out there. Plus you’re in England and those boys have the cutest accents ;).

    Reply

    • Autumn
      Jan 18, 2014 @ 02:55:46

      Thank you! It really means so much that there are people out there that care, even if I’m a stranger 🙂 I am really inspired by your story and have actually experienced some assholes through my escapades and learned about what I really want in life. It’s funny I met Lorenzo at a time when I wasn’t looking for a guy (the first time this ever happened) and didn’t even really care. For the first time I was happy with who I was on my own and then he came into my life.

      I actually talked to him for three hours on Skype tonight and we had a really long discussion. I thought about what you said too and he really took me seriously. I think he will get his act together, but we shall see with time! He seemed genuine though, and made me feel loved so I think things are looking up. 🙂

      Reply

      • ldr13
        Jan 18, 2014 @ 13:33:21

        Glad to hear it 🙂 Sometimes they just need a kick in the butt. It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and will hold him to it. Best of luck to you both!

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